I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
