He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
