I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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