Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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