Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize