Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
