Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
