I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
