did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
