i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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