She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
