I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
