its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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