So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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