hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize