K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
