you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
