You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
