I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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