where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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