He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Houston, we have a blender
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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