A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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