He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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