he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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