My sheets look like a crime scene.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
