I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
