she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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