Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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