i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He better not be in your backpack
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
