he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
