and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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