I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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