It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
