i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
