did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
