I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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