I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
