i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
