umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
