____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
