smell my finger.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
