tell your sister to shave her snatch
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
