Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
