I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
