Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
