I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
