made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
