im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
