sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
