Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
