yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
