It was confusing and full of hummus
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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