It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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