I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
