guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sarcasm needs its own font
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
