This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
