I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
