I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize