I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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