True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
