I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
