i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
