he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
