Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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